


Cinnamon Lips

by aby55al (abyssa1)



Series: aby55al's phan 'books' [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emo Dan Howell, Fluff, High School, M/M, Pastel Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssa1/pseuds/aby55al
Summary: Phil likes wearing pink and strawberry lip-gloss. Dan wears all black and chews cinnamon gum.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: aby55al's phan 'books' [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069271
Kudos: 4





	1. Cinnamon Lips

Dan was a loner.

Well not really, he had friends: Chris, PJ, Louise, and Phil. But they weren't like him. While they all wore bright colors and talked cheerfully about the newest pop songs and teen novels, Dan sat to the side in his all black outfits and quietly read poetry or sketched in his notebook. It wasn't that he didn't like his friends, they just weren't like him, they didn't get him. Especially Phil.

Phil was the nicest person Dan had ever met. The first day Dan arrived from his last school Phil had taken him into his friend group, saving him from the solace of an empty lunch table. He had given Dan his chemistry notes when Dan had missed a day and was always there to help him with any homework he couldn't figure out. Phil was exactly the opposite of Dan, he was always happy, always talking, and he wore bright colors, pastel blue and pink and yellow, with strawberry lip-gloss.

Dan had a major crush on him.

Dan looked over at Phil, on the opposite side of the lunch table. He was staring at nothing, a slight smile curving his lips. Without looking away Dan opened his notebook to a new page, quickly outlining Phil's face, his smile, his eyes. As the bell for the next class rang Dan snapped his notebook shut before Phil could see and shoved it in his book bag.

Walking quickly away from his table, leaving his friends behind, Dan slipped the last piece of his cinnamon gum between his teeth. They weren't supposed to have gum, but none of the teachers ever said anything. Phil was the only person that ever bothered him about it, and Dan was pretty sure he was just joking. Pretty sure.

"You're not supposed to be chewing gum in school Dan," Phil appeared next to him, easily falling in step. He was the only one of Dan's friends that could keep up with him, probably because they were almost the same height, towering above most of their classmates.

"Oh I'm so sorry Mr. Lester. Please don't call my mum. She'll be angry at me for breaking a rule."

Phil pretended to be disappointed, "Fine. Only because I like you."

"You like me? Mr. Lester you should know relationships with students are prohibited."

Phil blushed a deep red, looking down at his feet, "T-that's not what I meant."

Dan laughed, "I know, I'm just joking."

"Oh."

They were silent until the reached the English classroom where they took their seats on opposite sides of the room. When he was sure Phil couldn't see Dan pulled out his notebook again, making the finishing touches to the sketch of Phil. It was good, one of the best he'd ever done.  
-  
Phil was lonely.

He had no reason to be, he had great friends: Chris, PJ, Louise, and Dan. They loved him, but he wanted something more. Someone he could talk to about anything. He knew that his friends would listen but he doubted any of them actually understood him. Except maybe Dan.

Dan was the opposite of Phil. He didn't seem to want or need friends, Phil had the feeling he only sat at the table because he was expected to. He wore all black and never seemed to smile or talk much, and he was always drawing in his notebook. He chewed a ridiculous amount of cinnamon gum and always had chapped lips that never seemed to notice. Phil always had to resist the temptation to forcibly put chapstick on him. Dan would have such pretty lips if he just took care of them.

Phil applied another layer of his strawberry lipgloss and started to daydream, ignoring his friends and staring into space as he thought about Dan's lips. Pink and smooth, soft against his lips, his neck.

Phil had a crush on Dan. He had since Dan had shown up in the first day, hair a curly mess, still wet from a shower. He'd introduced himself in the first hour and commented on Dan's wet hair. Dan had blushed and admitted that he'd overslept and didn't have time to straighten it. The next day his hair was straight, hanging over his eyes in a fringe like Phil's. But Phil would never forget those soft brown curls, and spent countless hours imagining how it would feel to run his fingers through them or pull at them.

Phil had to stop fantasizing about his friend. But how was he supposed to do that when Dan's jeans were so tight and he kept biting his lip and glancing over at Phil in class. Dan had to know what he was doing.

The bell rang and snapped Phil out of his daydream. Dan was shoving his notebook into his bag, Chris, PJ, and Louise were gathering their books, heading for class. Phil grabbed his bag and hurried to catch up with Dan, pulling even with him just as Dan slipped another piece of that sweet cinnamon gum between his lips.

"You're not supposed to be chewing gum in school Dan," Phil teased, falling into step with Dan. He was probably the only person who could keep up with Dan's long strides, they were almost the same height

"Oh I'm so sorry Mr. Lester. Please don't call my mum. She'll be angry at me for breaking a rule."

Phil pretended to be disappointed, sighing and rolling his eyes, "Fine. Only because I like you."

"You like me? Mr. Lester you should know relationships with students are prohibited."

Phil blushed a deep red at that, looking down at his feet, "T-that's not what I meant." His stomach fluttered nervously. God it was just a joke and why was he over reacting like this. Dan was joking with him.

Dan laughed, "I know, I'm just joking."

"Oh." Phil sighed, relieved, hoping that Dan hadn't noticed his odd behavior.

They fell silent until the reached the English classroom taking their seats on opposite sides of the room. Phil zoned out again, thinking about Dan, until the teacher arrived to ruin his mood with a group project.


	2. Candy Kisses

"Guess what class! It's time for your final group project!" The teacher sang, slapping a pile of papers down on Dan's desk, startling him and knocking his notebook into the floor.

Dan grabbed his notebook before anyone could see his drawing and quickly started passing back the papers, reading over the first few lines. "Well shit," he muttered. The assignment would last for the rest of the semester, almost five weeks, and it would be worth five hundred points.

And he would have to have a partner.

Dan quickly scanned over the class. The smart kids in the front, they had already chosen partners and had their planners out, making notes. The average kids in the middle, most of them were friends. The stoner kids and the punks in the back, and in the middle of them, Phil. Phil was biting his lip as he looked at the paper he'd been handed. He seemed to feel Dan looking at him, and he looked up, meeting Dan's eyes.

"Me and you?" Phil mouthed, gesturing between them.

Dan nodded and mouthed a "Yeah" before turning around just as the teacher began to speak.

"Now I know you've all probably already picked who you want to work with. That's fine," the teacher began, and Dan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. It would've been an uncomfortable rest of the semester if he had to work with some random other person. "That's actually good because you're going to be spending a lot of time with your partner."

There was a buzz of conversation.

"As you can read on the syllabus, this project will involve a lot of time put in after school, which is why I want you to be comfortable with your partners. You will both need to be able to agree on topics and delegating work.

"You will have to write fifty pages of a story. It can be about anything you want, as long as it's school appropriate." The teacher looked down his nose at the students in the back, "So no sex, drugs, alcohol, or anything involving graphic violence. It's due the day before finals. You can get together with your partners now and decide on something you think you'd like to write about and tomorrow I will get down your names."

The teacher waved his hand and sat back down at his desk as students moved around the room, the harsh sound of desks scraping against hardwood filling the classroom. Dan bit his lips and looked over the syllabus again. When he finally looked up, Phil was in the desk next to him, chin resting in his hands, staring.

"It's rude to stare, you know," Dan muttered, cheeks burning red at the sudden attention.

"Sorry," Phil didn't look away. "I don't want to interrupt your reading."

"I wasn't reading. Just... thinking," Dan replied lamely.

"About what?"

"What could we possibly write fifty pages about?" I could fill a thousand pages just talking about his eyes, Dan thought, staring back at Phil, captivated by the other boys sparkling blue irises.

"I don't know. Maybe we should think of ideas by ourselves and we can get dinner or something and talk it out," Phil said, acting incredibly unruffled as if he hadn't just practically asked Dan on a date. Well... he hadn't, it was just for an assignment.

"Y-yeah that sounds great." Dan agreed instantly, trying not to seem as excited as he was. "Where do you want to go?"

"Actually if you want I can cook us something at my place? I'm a good cook, I promise. And my parents won't be home- they're off in Mexico for holiday."

"Yeah that sounds great. How do I get there again?" Dan had been to Phil's house before, but it had been awhile ago. They hadn't hung out alone for a long long time.

Phil scribbled directions down on Dan's planner just as the bell rang. They didn't see each other for the rest of the day and Dan couldn't focus at all, his mind lost thinking about having dinner at Phil's house. With no one else there. Of course nothing was going to happen- Phil was his friend and nothing more- but it couldn't hurt to wish.

Phil rushed home after school, throwing his bag in the room before scrambling to the kitchen to start dinner. He'd invited Dan over on a whim, he had no idea what he was going to make. He rummaged through the cabinets and fridge.

"Spaghetti it is," he muttered, pulling out the ingredients.

He was setting the table when the doorbell rang. He ran to the door and opened it, forgetting that he was wearing a pink frilly apron that sported the quote Kiss the Cook. Dan looked perfect as usual, a new pair of ripped skinny jeans hugging his legs and a black sweater. His hair was wet from a shower, curly, like the day they first met.

"Nice hair," Phil quipped as he motioned Dan inside.

"Shut up," Dan blushed. "You know I have no idea how to manage time. I didn't have time to dry it. Nice apron."

"Thanks." Phil winked, "Are you going to kiss me or not?"

"At least buy me dinner first."

"Right this way." Phil ditched the apron in the kitchen as he led Dan to the dining room. "I might've gone overboard a little bit," Phil admitted as Dan took in the table decorated with roses and candles.

"It's nice," Dan said, trying not to freak out. This definitely looked like a date setup, not a dinner for "just friends." Was Phil trying to tell him something?

Phil pulled out a chair for Dan before returning to the kitchen to get the spaghetti. "Went overboard Phil, you've freaked him out now. Great job buddy." Phil forced a smile when he brought out the food, setting it down before awkwardly taking the seat across from Dan. "So do you have any ideas?"

Thankfully Dan did have some ideas and they spent the meal talking about different plots and character development and ignoring the fact that they were most definitely on a date. After almost two hours of talking, they had most of the plot figured out. Phil took the dishes to the kitchen while Dan headed to the Phil's room to start writing. He was laying on his stomach across Phil's bed, three pages already filled when Phil got there.

"Working ahead without me?" Phil lay down next to Dan, their shoulders and hips touching.

Dan turned his head to look at Phil, just inches away, his lips looked so soft... kissable. He didn't really decide to kiss Phil, it just happened, one second he was looking at him and the next his eyes were closed and Phil's lips were on his, and they were as soft as they looked.

Phil leaned into the kiss, Dan, unbalanced, fell back onto the bed. Phil took the opportunity to get on top of him, straddling him and kissing him again. When they finally came up they were both out of breath, lips pink.

"Well. That happened."

"Yeah," Phil just smiled and kissed Dan again.


	3. Starry Eyes

"I believe this is what we call the Honeymoon Phase," PJ whispered to Chris loud enough for half the cafeteria to hear.

"Shut up PJ, you're just jealous," Dan said before turning back to talk to Phil.

After their date, Dan and Phil had become inseparable and within a week they were the talk of the school. After all it's not that often that two people with glaringly opposite personalities get together. Especially not two boys. Thankfully everyone was accepting and they didn't have trouble with anyone, and they spent every second possible together. They would write their story and then fall into laughter that somehow ended up with them making out and then laughing again.

Their first actual date was two weeks after the first dinner. They went and saw a movie Dan wanted to see and afterwards they went on a picnic to a park and watched the sun set. Phil was the one who planned it, and it was worth it just to look down and see Dan's head resting on his shoulder as the sun was setting.

Their story developed with their relationship, following the life of a teen in the city who was searching for her true love. The pages seemed to fly by, they'd spend hours laying on Phil's bed, throwing ideas back and forth until they settled on something that they both loved.

Everything was perfect.

They were writing again, sprawled out on a blanket in the park, legs tangled together, the notebook they wrote in resting on Dan's stomach. Dan had his eyes closed, the sunset painting his face gold. He was beautiful.

"Dan," Phil mumbled, scooting forward to place a kiss on his cheek.

"Mmm?" Dan didn't open his eyes, just turned his head to face Phil more.

"I think I love you."

Dan's eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "Took you long enough."

"Took me long enough? It's been a month! I thought it was too soon."

Dan kissed Phil to shut him up. "Live a little, Phil. Tell me you love me, run away, rob a bank. Have fun."

"I don't think robbing a bank would be fun," Phil said skeptically, entirely missing Dan's point.

"That's because you haven't tried it yet." Dan moved over until Phil wrapped his arms around him, "You never know until you try."

"I don't think I'm going to though." Phil ran his fingers through Dan's hair, "I'd miss you if I had to go to jail."

"You think I'd let you rob a bank by yourself? You would get two steps past the doors and you'd back out."

"I would not!"

Dan nodded, "Yes you would. You're too nice to rob a bank."

"Am not!"

"Plus you'd have no idea how to do it I mean, that's not really a skill you possess-"

"Oh yeah? And you have all the skills to pull off a bank robbery? Yesterday you tripped over nothing."

Dan blushed, "I slipped. And I'll have you know that I have plenty of useful skills."

"I'm sure you do."

"Are you saying that you don't believe me?"

"No, why would you think that?" Phil smirked, "I mean, I still don't think you could do it."

Dan squinted his eyes and sat up, "Is that so Phil? You don't think I would be able to do it?"

"I don't."

Dan huffed and moved to straddle Phil, pinning his hands above his head. "I think you've underestimated me Lester," he said with a smirk before leaning down to lazily kiss down Phil's neck.

"Oh?" Phil let Dan have a few brief moments of victory, sighing as Dan trailed his lips up to kiss him properly. Phil threaded his fingers in Dan's hair, pulling gently. Dan relaxed against him and Phil took advantage of the opportunity, flipping them over and pinning Dan's hands.

"Hey!" Dan complained, pulling his wrists.

Phil just smiled and kissed him, releasing Dan's hands to grab his hips instead, pulling Dan closer. "Have I ever told you you're beautiful?"

Dan, hair messy, eyes shining, clothed in golden light, blushed. "No."

"You're the most beautiful person in the world Dan Howell."

"I can't be because you are."

"God you are such a sap."

"Looks who's talking."


	4. Let Me Know

Dan felt better than he had in his entire life. It had taken a few weeks for Dan to really open up to Phil, he knew that some of the things he had to say would scare off some people. But when he had, Phil had been entirely supportive, had tried to help him in any way he could. Finally he had someone he could relate to, could talk to about anything. Phil always listened, even when it wasn't things he wanted to hear, like how Dan's father was abusive and his mother drank, or that his sister was dying. But Phil was always there, always there to make things better with a kiss and a "You'll be okay. I'm here for you. Always."

Phil spent hours at Dan's house, holding Dan as they heard crashing and yelling from downstairs. When Dan was too afraid, Phil would be the one to walk down the hallway and bundle up Dan's frail, sick, younger sister so she could be safe in Dan's room with them. He protected Dan. He was always there, even at 3am when Dan's sister had to be rushed to the hospital and Dan needed somewhere to sleep. They curled up in bed together, each just listening to the other's heartbeat.

"You can run away Dan. Come stay here. My parents love you, I'm sure if you just told them what was happening they wouldn't have a problem-"

"I can't leave Ava, Phil. She needs me. I have to protect her, she couldn't live without me there to protect her."

"You can just bring her too-"

"Phil I know your parents have money but they're not going to pay the hospital bills."

"I-"

"Just stop. I know you're trying to help but it's not helping." Dan broke off into quiet sobs, "The doctors say she doesn't have long anyways."

"I'm so sorry Dan." Phil slides over and wraps his arms around Dan, pulling his close and resting his cheek on Dan's head. "It'll be fine, I'll be here for you. Always."

Dan just smiles through his tears and snuggles closer to Phil, "I know."

They skip school the next day, and Phil spends it with Dan, waiting at the hospital for any news about his sister. For most of it, Dan paces, walking around and around until Phil is convinced that the carpet is going to wear away. Finally, hours after they had a crappy lunch in the cafeteria, a doctor comes out.

"Howell?" He questions and Phil nudges a dozing Dan awake.

"Yes," Dan is instantly awake, staring up at the doctor. Phil puts a hand on his knee, moving his thumb in circles.

"Your sister is stable for now." The doctor flips some pages, "She's sleeping but you can go see her. Are your parents coming?"

"No," Dan rubs his eyes. "Can you take me to her now?"

"Yes, but he has to stay here," the doctor gestured at Phil with his pen.

Phil grabs Dan's hand, "I'll be here when you get back okay?"

Dan nods and squeezes Phil's hand before walking off and following the doctor. Phil spends the next twenty minutes resuming Dan's pacing, the nurses at the desk eying him warily. When Dan finally comes back he looks like he's aged ten years. Phil hugs him, feeling his shoulders shaking as he holds back sobs.

"I'm ready to go," Dan says in a rough voice, resting his cheek on Phil's shoulder.

"Are you sure? You don't look-"

"I'm ready to go Phil. Now."

"Okay. We can go." Phil takes Dan's hand and walks him out of the hospital.

Phil doesn't say anything until they're seated in his car, Dan pulling his sleeves over his hands, shoulders shaking. Phil takes Dan's hands in his, resting his head on Dan's shoulder, "What did he say?"

Dan stayed silent for a minute, trying hard to calm down before he spoke. "He told me that there is a treatment for what Ava has. My parents have known about it for a year. We can't afford it. He said we haven't paid the hospital bill for three months."

"Dan I'm so sorry." Phil wipes the tears off Dan's cheeks, pulling him into a hug over the center console. "I'm going to find out if we can help you."

"No, Phil you can't-"

"Dan. Your sister deserves this. You shouldn't have to deal with this because your parents can't. I'm going to help."

"Okay. Just don't get yourself in trouble." Dan holds Phil tighter, breathing in his comforting scent, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't worry Dan, I'm not going anywhere."

Phil drives Dan to his house. His parents are gone and the house feels too big, too empty. They end up in Phil's room, cuddled under blankets, watching movies. Dan's head is resting on Phil's chest, listening to his heartbeat, one of Phil's hands tangled in his hair. They're like that for an hour before Dan suddenly bolts up.

"Phil I have to show you something." Dan runs to his bag, resting against the wall by the door, pulling out his sketchbook. "I did this forever ago," he opens the book to the right page and hands it to Phil, nervously looking at his feet.

Phil looks at the picture of himself and smiles, immediately pulling Dan into a hug. "It's perfect."

Phil is sitting on the edge of the bed, Dan on his knees straddling him. Dan smiles and pushes Phil back onto the bed, kissing him. He slowly pushes his hips down, grinding on Phil until Phil moans and grabs his hips.

"Dan-"

"Shut up," Dan rolls his hips again. "I know what I'm doing."

"O-okay."

It's messy, and it hurts a little bit, Dan wincing and Phil rubbing his back to try and calm him. The movie still plays in the background, completely ignored. It doesn't last long and when it's over they collapse next to each other, ignoring the mess.

"I love you Dan Howell."

"I love you more."


	5. I've Never Felt this Way Before

Phil knew he needed to talk to his parents about Ava, but he didn't know how to do it. He knew that they were aware of her condition, but he didn't know if they knew that Dan's parents couldn't afford the treatment. He finally summoned up the nerve to do it at dinner, a week after the hospital visit.

"Hey mum," he began, staring down at his plate.

"Yes honey?"

"So you know about Dan's sister right? Ava?"

"Yes, she's sick isn't she? Has something happened to her? Is she okay? Is Dan okay?"

"Dan's fine." Phil thought back to Dan in his car, desperately holding back sobs, "It's about their parents."

"What do you mean?"

Phil sighed and told her the whole story, starting with the first night he'd gone over to Dan's house and his mother had been drunk enough to throw up on the couch and then lay in it. Phil's father looked up when he explained how he had first noticed the bruises on Dan's arms, how he'd been there for one of the fights.

"That's sounds awful! You can't go over there if it's like that-"

"No! I need you to help pay for Dan's sister's treatment."

There was a silence at the table. Phil's father sighed and folded up the newspaper he was reading. His mother pushed her food across her plate. They looked at each other, having a silent conversation before Phil's father scooted his chair closer to the table.

"Phil there's something we need to tell you," Phil's father refused to look up, instead staring at his glass of water.

"What?"

"It's not that we don't want to help Dan- we love him and we're very glad that you've found someone- but we're moving."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We were worried you would be upset. And you are."

"Well obviously I'm upset!" Phil stood up, his chair falling backwards and slamming onto the floor, "You're ruining everything! Where are we even moving to?"

"Australia. It's a new opportunity for your mother. She has been offered a great job making twice what she does now-"

"But we're doing fine now? We don't need to move! You make enough money."

"Phil please calm down-"

"How am I supposed to tell Dan? After all that he's going through right now you want me to just drop this on him?"

"You don't have to tell him Phil."

"And just leave him in this shitty situation with no explanation as to why I left? Just let him think that I don't even give enough of a shit to have basic human decency to tell him I have to leave him?" Phil's father won't look at him, staring hard at the table. "I'm going over there. I'll be back later."

Phil speeds on the way to Dan's house, holding back tears. How could his parents do that to him? How could they even suggest that he leave without saying anything. Phil took deep breaths to calm down. He was almost at Dan's house, he needed to be calm when he talked to Dan or he was going to completely collapse.

Phil could see the lights before he even turned onto Dan's street, flashing blue and red and lighting Phil's way. He hoped that they weren't at Dan's house but he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He pulled around the ambulance in Dan's driveway.

Dan was standing outside the front door, tears silently streaming down his cheeks as he watched a gurney with a body bag being loaded. He didn't even look when Phil wrapped him in a hug, just leaned into Phil.

"Ava?"

Dan shook his head, burying his face in Phil's shoulder, "It was mom. How did you know?"

"I didn't. Where's your dad?"

"Inside with Ava. She's having a bad spell. She can't even move right now, we can't leave her alone." Dan took a deep breath and wiped the tears away, "Can we go somewhere? I don't want to be here right now."

"Of course."

Phil held Dan's hand as he drove. He didn't know where he was going, just away from both their families. They ended up sitting in the school parking lot. It was empty and barely lit and Dan pulled Phil into his seat.

"Phil I love you. I love you so much," Dan muttered, pressing his forehead against Phil's and holding him close.

"I love you too Dan. I'd never do anything to hurt you." Phil closed his eyes and pulled Dan tight against him. He held back tears, "Dan I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" Dan looked up at Phil, his eyes so open and trusting.

"Never mind, it's not important."

"Okay Phil. I'll always be here for you."

"Always."

Phil held Dan as he fell asleep, knowing that he would never be able to hurt Dan the way he had to.


	6. Epilogue- Where You Are

"We can make this work Dan. I would do anything for you. Anything."

Dan sighed and cradled his phone closer, wishing that it was Phil instead. At least if he couldn't touch Phil he could hear him. "But what if it doesn't work Phil? What then?"

"Then I will kidnap you to bring you out here with me."

Dan smiled and closed his eyes, "How is it out there?"

"Too hot and too sunny. I've got a tan Dan. That's just not right."

"You probably look good with a tan," Dan sighed and looked down at himself, his tan had faded from his never going outside anymore. He was too sad to go outside anymore.

"Hey, it's going to be okay Dan. I'm here for you. Always."

"I know. It's just so hard when you're not here."

"I'll be there soon. I'm leaving the airport now, trying to find a cab."

"Okay, you'd better go. Call me again when you're close."

"Okay Dan. I love you."

"Love you too."

The line cut out and Dan put his phone back in his pocket, staring at his living room. Phil had been gone for three months, but now he was coming back. Dan was excited to see him, but so much had happened that he didn't know if Phil was the same person. He didn't know if he was the same person he had been three months ago.

He got up to look at himself in the mirror. If he looked past the paler skin and the hollowed cheeks, he looked the same. But Dan knew he wasn't the same. After all that had happened to him there was no way he was the same person. But Phil had always stayed the same. No matter what had happened he was there. Always.

It was an hours drive from the airport to Dan's house and Dan spent the time sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what to say to Phil. They talked every day, and things seemed to remain the same as before for Phil, but Dan didn't know if they were what they once had been.

Three months is a long time. A lot can change in three months.

Dan stared at the picture of Ava that now hung on the wall. Her funeral had been the hardest. Dan was alone for that. Of course, Phil was there that night as he lay in his bed, sobbing, but Phil wasn't there to hold him as he delivered the eulogy for his baby sister. He wasn't there to comfort Dan after the last time he saw his father or to help him bandage the cuts and bruises.

But he had been there. Just not in person. Even though he was thousands of miles away, Phil had always been there. He had answered every 3am phone call, every text, jumbled because Dan was crying was responded to. Phil was gone but he never really left.

There was a knock on the door and Dan had to steady his hands to turn the locks.

Phil did have a tan, and his hair was shorter, but he was Phil.

"Hi Dan."

Dan could barely force out the word, "Hi."

Phil's arms were strong, wrapping around Dan's waist and supporting him as he almost collapsed, sobbing.

"I'm here Dan. And I'm not leaving this time. I love you. Always."

Dan spent the next few days watching Phil as he moved into the house. He still couldn't believe that Phil was here and that he was staying. The first night he didn't sleep, instead staying awake and watching Phil sleep, hearing his breathing, making sure he was real.

Dan wasn't exactly sure how Phil had done it, all he knew was that one day he had received a call telling him to come and pick up the title for his old house and that he was to move in within a week. He lived alone for a month before he got the call that Phil was coming to stay with him. Permanently.

And so here they were, but something had changed. Dan didn't know what it was, but something wasn't right. Phil was the same, always laughing and smiling and supportive, but Dan knew he wasn't the same. How could Phil still love the person he had turned into? The person that didn't get out of bed most days, that had to be reminded to eat, that couldn't keep a conversation because he kept flashing back to how he used to be.

"Phil?" He whispered one night, voice hoarse from crying.

"Yes?" Phil was immediately closer, wrapping arms around Dan and rubbing circles on his back the way he knew Dan liked.

"I'm not the same person I was."

"Okay? Neither am I Dan. Everyone changes."

"Do you still love me? Even how I am now?"

"Yes Dan. I will always love you. Always."

"Okay."

For the first time in years, Dan felt safe. He fell asleep in Phil's arms, hearing the heartbeat of the man who loved him. The man that he loved.


End file.
